Monday, October 02, 2006

Throwing The Bums Out?

As a service to American readers who think that the entire House of Representatives should be tossed out regardless of political party, H I’s resident political scientist at Big Bubba’s Bait Shop and Bar in Pungo, Virginia has drafted a letter that can be sent to any candidate running against an incumbent Member of the House.

Dear Challenger

I’m not sure exactly what you stand for but I am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. If your opponent hasn’t been able to prove that you kidnapped the Lindbergh baby or founded the local chapter of the Osama Bin Laden Fan Club by now, you’re probably innocent of those things. So this letter is an IOU; on 7 November, I’ll honor my IOU by voting for you. That’s the good news.

The bad news is that as soon as you are elected you only have two years to convince me to vote for you again. If you don’t, I won’t. As far as I am concerned, the odds against you winning a second term will be 98% against you on day 1. If you want to beat those odds, there are a few things you might think about doing over the next two years.

Once a month, account for your time - nothing too elaborate, mind you. You can just list the month’s hours in a few major categories like ‘studying issues’, ‘identifying problems’, ‘setting priorities’, and ‘developing solutions’. Please provide examples of each. There is also the ‘get re-elected’ category and that’s ok. (Hint: this should not contain more than 5% of the month’s hours.)

Once a month, when Congress is in session, account for your votes. Just list every vote you did and didn’t participate in and give a brief explanation of why your position was good for the country and/or your district. (Hint: you get extra points for being brief and for not using the phrase ‘the people’s business’).

Once a month, account for what you cost – after all, it is my money. Just add up salary, benefits, perks like publicly funded travel, postage, staff and office costs, entertainment, and the rest, and divide the total by the hours worked each month. (Hint: if your hourly cost is ten times more than the average voter’s hourly income, you lose points.)

I may not agree with everything you do in the next two years, but if you account for yourself every month that just might get you another two years.

You don’t have to produce a monthly report on what you’re worth. I’ll decide that on my own.

Sincerely yours

PS: If the above all sounds too much like a real job, please let me know right away so I can skip voting this time and start working for an independent candidate for the 2008 election.

4 Comments:

Blogger Ken Grandlund said...

Beautiful. Now let's get these things out and posted.

2:49 PM  
Blogger Homo Insapiens said...

Ken

I have already sent mine and hope a few other people will do the same...wouldn't it be refreshing to start over in 'The People's House'?

Feel free to send this to anyone you think might agree...regards, Kevin

2:54 PM  
Blogger Jorge said...

Too much like a real job? No way. I'm thinking I might run for office myself.

5:34 PM  
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11:36 AM  

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