Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Frankly Newton, We Don't Give A Fig

Isaac Newton (1643-1727) was one of the greatest scientists of all time and certainly the greatest ever born in Britain. This guy managed to figure out gravity, define the laws of motion, develop the law of cooling, understand the light was made of particles, help develop calculus, and come up with the speed of sound. Every English school kid knows that. Well, make that almost every English school kid. In fact, let’s settle for about 20% of English school kids if the government has its way.

About a month ago, the British Government set up a new science curriculum with the snappy name Twenty-First Century Science GCSE. The idea was to fix a serious problem: courses like physics, chemistry and biology are not fun; they can actually be hard work. In addition, some of the people who teach these courses are not exactly the most exciting members of faculty. A lot of them could talk a hole in the side of nuclear reactor containment building. It’s tough to get young Nigel or Sophie or almost any teen-ager to sign up for courses like Physics or Chemistry.

So, instead of forcing students to study boring science stuff, the new classes are based on discussions of ‘science in the news’. Organic Farming, Global Warming and Mobile Phone Technology are a few of the catchy new topics. You and Your Genes is sure to be a hit, Radiation and Life will come in very handy in case of a nuclear attack, and The Uses of Cannabis is expected to attract 73% of the population of Britain between the ages of 13 and 55 (a huge spur to continuing education).

Quite what all this excitement has to do with training future scientists is not clear. However, if the future of global competitiveness is based on having highly trained organic farmers who can send a text message to a bird who glows in the dark while stoned out of their minds, Britain is on to a real winner here.

Of course, (as is always the case) there are a few spoil sports who think that dumping poor old Newton and his scientific heirs is out of order. David Perks, head of physics at Graveney School, London, describes the changes as a "dumbing down" science. In a particularly small minded attack, Baroness Mary Warnock says, "Far too much teaching at school has already degenerated into this kind of debate, more suitable for the pub than the school room."

H I’s Education Editor, Montagu Bothersby, based at the Pig & Whistle, North London, reports that the comments of the Baroness have deeply offended the regulars. Barman Sid Frost said, “If darts ain’t about calculus, and having a flutter on the horses ain’t about probability, and makin’ sure I pump one square pint every time ain’t about physics, then I’m a monkey’s.”

So, as the Government proceeds to tell Mr Newton to get stuffed, there may be a back-up plan. If global competitiveness turns out to be based on who can pass a friendly evening hitting the bulls-eye, winning a few quid on the ponies, and consistently making accurate liquid measurements while getting slowly pissed, there will always be an England.


Blogger Neutron said...

It gets me so irritated this "everything must be fun" attitude in education - and everywhere else for that matter.

Ho hum...words (which are not expletives) fail me!

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Anonymous Ananke said...

Issac Newton helped develop calculus? I knew I disliked him for some reason. ;-)

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Blogger Jorge said...

I used to think Mr. Newton might have been a rather boring fellow. Now I know I was right. Anyway, there will always be people willing to work hard to improve things, and rise to the occasion. Until there aren't any, don't force responsibility on us simple minded creatures who are very much into those activities characterized as "fun". Also, I'm liking Britain more each day.

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Blogger Ken Grandlund said...

Education isn't all about fun and games? Who'd have thunk?

Really though, dumbing down to make things fun or easily graspable only ensures a generation of numbskulls. What's up Britain? Are you trying to emulate another of America's grand designs?

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hey a not spam comment...

as a future science teacher, I frown heavily upon your summarization of my peers.

As for new-fangled science courses, well, you just can't make this stuff interesting. Oh well.


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