Saturday, March 11, 2006

You're Invited

Tourism is the largest industry in the world. In 1950 there were 25 million international travellers. By 2004 there were 760 million travellers. In the next 15 years, the number will rise to 1.5 billion. There’s a bad news/good news story in these numbers. Unfortunately, with so many people travelling, it’s a dead cert that you will run into at least a few of the cretinous lowlifes from back home that you are trying to get away from. The good news is that with so many people travelling, new and unexplored areas of the globe are opening up. You might get to watch some stone-age tribe eating the cretinous lowlifes you are trying to get away from during your holiday in Borneo.

With all that tourist money sloshing around the world, countries are in hot competition to attract holidaymakers. Australia is going back to an old campaign to attract new visitors. In the last few years, Oz bragged about artists and opera houses and culture and nature. Now they are returning to the glory days of Crocodile Dundee, a shrimp on the barbie, and boozing on Bondi Beach. Australia’s new tourism slogan is, “So where the bloody hell are you?” Hopefully this will encourage people who want to relax, have a bit of fun, and down a few pots of lager, to visit Oz. Hopefully the self-righteous, the self-important, and self-promoting will get to meet the stone-age tribe in Borneo.

Countries around the world are planning to launch catchy new slogans in reaction to Australia’s new campaign. H I’s UK-based travel correspondent, Tiffany Barking-Smoot, has been tracking the new campaigns.

France! A chance to pretend you’re as good as we are.

Scenic Saudi Arabia – miles and miles of miles and miles!

How is Israel? How could it be?

Come to Greenland and double the population.

Why visit a country when you can visit Sudan?

Visit the USA…we know you want to…we heard you say so on your mobile phone!

Follow Your Wanderlust in Germany (But do not walk on the grass).

Yemen: Land of Contrasts! 11th century mystery with 13th century conveniences.

It’s more fun than North Korea…it’s Zimbabwe!

With any luck, everyone who likes to come home with 5,000 digital photos, plastic replicas of pre-historic bedpans, new insights into cultural development, and plans to organise a lecture tour on ‘My Vacation’, will be attracted by these campaigns. Homo Insapiens readers can go to Sydney, get pissed, and mumble, “So here’s where the bloody hell we are!” Or for a shorter booze break there’s always the Emerald Isle. As their advert says: Lose yourself in Ireland: We Do!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

10:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oops.. that was my delete...

Not to worry, this is my comment:

"Yemen: Land of Contrasts! 11th century mystery with 13th century conveniences."

Terrific! Do they take 18th century currency?

10:48 AM  
Blogger Jorge said...

"Double the population". That was so good.

4:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, I took your advice and went to Sydney. They got pissed and sent me here. Now what? :)

9:24 PM  
Blogger Ananke said...

I love the one for Saudi Arabia - "Miles and miles of miles and miles!" The USA campaign is so perfect - and so true. ;-)

10:34 AM  
Blogger plusultra said...

How about this one for my hometown in Canada. Winnipeg - come to winnipeg and you could win a pig.

2:08 AM  
Blogger birdwoman said...

you've missed your calling on a travel and tourism board. More evidence is the number of visitors you've had.

I used to work for a travel and tourism board. I've never been so bored in my life.

but my fave from your list is definitely fwance.


4:06 PM  
Blogger Amal said...

LOOOOOL, Love it. I think based on your recommendations, I will be visiting France.

3:17 PM  
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