Monday, February 13, 2006

The Mummies Return

It’s been a very exciting digging season for Egyptologists so far. A new tomb has been discovered in The Land of the Nile, and this ancient civilisation is once again in the news. It’s likely this will be an important discovery. Some people think it might be the most important discovery since Howard Carter dug up poor King Tut and doomed the spirit of the boy Pharaoh to do more road shows than the Rolling Stones.

The west bank of the Nile, across from Luxor, is a vast burial site. There are the Valleys of the Kings, the Queens, and the Nobles. Once again, there is fascination with the powerful people who ruled this land for so many years. Most were men, a few were women, some were winners, and a lot were losers. All of them wanted to live forever.

The digging season is getting into high gear in the US as well. With the mid-term elections approaching in November, excitement is already building regarding the next Presidential election in 2008. The buzz is all about who will be nominated to oppose the Republican candidate. It’s time for H I to lead a dig in the Valley of the Democrats.

Ex-Pharaoh Jimmy Carter is a nice guy but the party doesn’t pay much attention to him. He’s a bit like the sphinx. The sphinx is famous but no one is quite sure what the point of it is. Ex-Pharaoh Bill Clinton was pretty good at getting support from both the left and right banks of the Nile; but it’s against the rules for ex-pharaohs to make a comeback from the afterlife. And since the Democrats have decided he is a god, just being a pharaoh again would be a demotion.

Although Ted Kennedy is a member of a Royal Dynasty, he’s a bit out of touch these days. Instead of going for eternal life by being wrapped in bandages, he decided to be pickled in alcohol. Candidate-Pharaohs Gore I and Kerry I lack a certain excitement factor. When they give a speech it’s tough to tell whether it’s them or their wooden sarcophagus covers doing the talking. Joe Biden of Delaware is interested in becoming the Pharaoh, but he has a habit that might cost him a lot of support. This guy can talk a hole in a 100-ton granite obelisk.
After the last election, poor Howard Dean was dropped from potential Pharaoh to Grand Chamberlain because everyone realised he is one block short of a pyramid. John Edwards may or may not make a run for Pharaoh, but he did take the precaution of having his hair dresser entombed with him after the last run.

Little known royal princes Evan Bayh of Indiana, Mark Warner of Virginia, and Bill Richardson of New Mexico face uphill battles. There may be a few minor monuments to them back home, but no statues of them more than 3 feet tall have been discovered. Tom Vilsack, of Iowa has a real problem. His tomb hasn’t even been discovered yet.

Could a Queen Hilary revive the ancient splendour? Although the diehard followers of the Donkey God would love her, all the believers in the Elephant God would be against her. At least she has one thing going for her. She’s the only candidate from the Valley of the Democrats who could truly run on the slogan, “Mummy Knows Best.”


Blogger Ken Grandlund said...

In the annals of archeology, it is always the famous rulers that are remembered while the slaves and common folk who built their memorials are abandoned to the waste pit of eternity.

The same can be said of American politics. And since both parties are ruling with an air of imperialism (either abroad or within their prospective parties) it seems as if no matter who is annointed, the average person will be pushing stones and growing grapes to feed and eternalize the next group of less-than-stellar rulers.

I guess the wheel of history keeps turning 'round.

1:06 PM  
Blogger Abby Taylor said...

I totally admire how deeply you will dig before you find a pun.

9:31 PM  
Blogger Amal said...

I am sooooo excited about this find. I have always been fascinated by ancient Egypt.

1:02 AM  
Blogger Jorge said...

Incredible, the little joke that could. Kept going and going. Just for the record, I mean that in a good way.

2:13 PM  
Blogger birdwoman said...

Let's hope that one of our own pharos has the fortune to be the source of huge irony that Ramses has - he who fathered over 50 children and whose name is on one of the most common prophylactics...


11:52 AM  
Blogger Bruce -- Harper Blue said...

Okay; I seriously need a Long Island bar, a fireplace with a parabolic-shaped back, and a mug of Irish coffee.

Good pun!

12:02 PM  
Blogger Bruce -- Harper Blue said...

I left out, the rest of it's great, too!

12:05 PM  
Anonymous David Cheong said...

Wow. and i thought that the mummies return was just a new coming movies. This should be interesting.

Good to hear that new discover of the tomb.

8:17 AM  

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