Thursday, December 22, 2005

Dear Santa

Children of all ages have made their lists and sent them to Santa in hopes that he will approve of their behaviour and fulfil their wishes. Although not all celebrate this holiday as such, it seems a good idea that a general spirit of giving, hope, and friendship abides. There should be a sense of thankfulness at surviving yet another annual office party. Escaping from the ambush under the mistletoe sprung by a person with whom you would not choose to share a cemetery should be a cause for joy. Herewith, in this spirit, is H I’s letter to Saint Nick.

Dear Santa

Well it’s that time of year again and you are very busy. Your house resembles a Wal-Mart distribution centre. The reindeer are on a higher dosage of steroids than the Rumanian gymnastics team and the elves are working harder than the inmates in a Chinese tennis shoe factory. Mrs Claus is in a post-menopausal funk and is threatening to hang herself with decorative ribbon from a beam in the workshop. At least you can rely on H I to leave the usual quart of whisky and 200 milligrams of Prozac on the kitchen table.

If it’s not too much trouble, could you possibly slip a few extra presents in the sleigh. There are some people that H I would like to remember at this time of year and perhaps you can include them in your largesse.

Firstly there are the pretentious politicians, bumbling burocrats, pompous preachers, dastardly dictators, risible royals, expropriating executives and spurious celebrities. They all contribute to making this the golden age of satire. Their tireless efforts at keeping alive the controversy over whether evolution has been a success deserve something under the tree. You might consider anything that needs assembly, gifts that do not include the required batteries, red and green knickers equipped with blinking lights, or wind chimes.

Of course there are the readers of Homo Insapiens. Whether they stumble in after Googling ‘Hilary Clinton’s Ethiopian love child’ or actually intend to read H I, they deserve to be remembered. Regular readers and commenters might like personalised Rorschach tests. Subscribers might fancy new identities.

Finally there are those who blog, often daily, on subjects about which they are passionate for no reward other than to share their interest and, perhaps, enrich their readers’ thoughts. Four of these, Chronicles of the American Civil War, Archeological Digs, Tom's Astronomy Blog, and Egyptology News are noted in the links to the right. Give a special thought to them and to the other public spirited citizens of the blogosphere who make this chaotic cyber-world a better place to reside.

Thank you.

Homo Insapiens

PS. Say hello to the angel. Sorry about the accident. Hopefully, after Christmas, you will be able to find a really good proctologist who specialises in tree surgery.


Blogger birdwoman said...

Do royalty count as politicians? You got some pretty shameless laughs out of them and you left them off the wish list.

And I already have my rorschalk test - my Pi in my floor...


5:42 PM  
Blogger Homo Insapiens said...

Birdwoman...thanks for pointing out the oversight. Consider it corrected and all blame rests squarely on the egg nog with copious amounts of demon rum.

Hopefully royalty is now again fair game for the coming year!

7:20 PM  
Blogger Ken Grandlund said...

Dear H.I.-

As usual, this has been a busy year all the way around, not least because my "Naughty-Nice" list has been revised umpteen times.
I always start with the presumption of Nice, and then whittle away as the year progresses. Accordingly, I'll only be making about 7 deliveries this year, all to some nice children in Greenland.

I have, however, taken on an intern to handle all of the rest of the normal deliveries and will forward your requests on to her. She is highly qualified to make sure that each recipient receives what they truly deserve and want, thanks in no small part to a special connection to the super-secret NSA spying software.

I'll pass on your messages of strength to the reindeer, offer some words of hope to the Mrs., and will surely drop by your place first for that drink and pill smorgasbord.

Oh, and to all a good night!

9:03 PM  
Blogger Michael said...

Thanks for your kind mention of Chronicles of the American Civil War in your "Dear Santa" post. On December 31, Chronicles will have had one or more posts for for every day of 1861. I already have diary entries prepublished and ready to go for one diary for January 1862, starting January 1, 2006. Again, thanks.


10:41 AM  
Anonymous B said...

Hi K,

Just stopped by to say Merry Christmas. Loved reading a bit while I was here, as usual. I hope your holidays are joyous.

9:20 PM  

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