Saturday, November 05, 2005

Over Here

Mr and Mrs Windsor popped over to the colonies for a bit of a jolly and have had a bloody marvellous time meeting the natives and learning the odd phrase in an almost unintelligible language. The Prince of Wales, heir to the British throne, and his wife are managing to maintain a low key and dignified visit to the United States in a trip that seems to have two primary themes. On their first three stops they concentrated on visiting disaster areas. There was a respectful ceremony at ground zero in New York City and a tour of the devastated city of New Orleans. In between these visits, they managed to fit in another tragic disaster area – they dropped by the White House for lunch and dinner. Since President Bush has not been indicted for anything yet, he and Mrs Bush were able to attend both meals. Having disposed of trips to the disaster areas caused by Al Qaeda, Hurricane Katrina, and Scooter Libby, they have moved on to San Francisco to concentrate on organic gardening.

Charles has had a busy schedule but his new wife has not spent all of her time deciding which of the 50 dresses she brought with her to wear. She attended a seminar at the National Institute of Health on the horrors of osteoporosis, a disease which brings agony and debility to millions of elderly people. It is not clear if she enquired as to the probability that she would be stricken with osteoporosis before her husband finally became the King of England.

There was concern in royal circles that the visit would create negative reactions in the US press. The last time the Prince was in the states, he was newly married to Diana, Princess of Wales. Americans had a real love affair with Diana. Anyone who has the reputation of being Mother Teresa in a package resembling Britney Spears is a tough act to follow. Two things seem to have made everything all right. Charles’ second wife seems to be an all-right sort with a sense of humour. In addition, not many people even knew The Prince of Wales and the Duchess of Cornwall were in the country. It seems that monarchy is not as interesting to the Yanks as it once was. The Kansas City Royals haven’t been in contention for the World Series in years. The Entertainer Formerly Known As Prince is currently The Entertainer Presently Pretty Much Unknown. There was a chance after the last election that royalty would once again capture the country’s imagination but it was not to be. John Kerry’s wife, heir to the Heinz fortune, had a shot at being made the Countess of Catsup if he had won. However since it turned out that John was actually the Baron of Boredom in disguise, he has been relegated to being the Old Pretender.

The other problem with creating an interest in monarchy in the United States is the demographic makeup of the current First Family. Although George and Laura are the proud parents of well brought up and attractive twin daughters, they do not have a male heir. Although the father, Bush 41, and the son, Bush 43, had the makings of a dynasty, there is no one to carry on the family succession. Although this may be a disappointment to Bush true believers, it may be a relief to Prince Charles. The risk of a revolution in the USA as a result of a new George III must be of concern. The Yanks might decide to chuck in all this republican falderal and rejoin the United Kingdom.

Imagine the future King of England having to ponce around his North American colonies to open Wal-Marts and have tea with Cindy Sheehan. Charles must be hoping that brother Jeb Bush keeps the royal bloodline alive and well.


Blogger Abby Taylor said...

I think American women are happy that you can (a) look like a dachschund and (b) marry a prince. Let's face it, Diana was way too much pressure.

Is it Jeb's son who was recently arrested for DUI? If so, then he's our future president.

10:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As yet unspoken is opportunity to 'romatically tie' one of Chas and Di's wunder sons to a Bushbaby.
Now that would hasten the demise of the Royals in UK ... I'm surprised that some of the anti-Royalists in the UK haven't jumped at the chance.

10:52 AM  
Anonymous kitty teltscher, London SW3 said...

Lovely wry summing-up of Charles & Camilla's USA tour, and also of their place in history. Not much liked, not much admired, but very much here to stay.

If Wills or Harry tied the knot with a Bushbaby, it would probably be time for the Windsors to find a new day job!

4:24 AM  
Anonymous Blighty said...

Is Charlie still heir to the old throne then? I forget.

Kitty, do the Windsors have a day job anyway?

10:33 AM  
Blogger birdwoman said...

Countess of Catsup? Hell I should have voted for Lurch after all; that title would have made it worth it.


5:49 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home


Humor Blog Top Sites