Saturday, July 09, 2005

Turnabout Is Fair Play

With the latest announcement that Nigerian politicians have managed to skim off about $400 billion in the last 30 years, H I has identified an exciting new opportunity to Make Poverty History right here in the USA!

To: Mr Olusegun Obesanjo, President and Head of Government, Ajuba, Nigeria

Dear Sir

We are contacting you about a serious situation as reported on the Pungo, Virginia Crusader and Bugle website. Please see the article entitled ‘US Supreme Court Rules Against Bubba In Property Case’.

We know how busy you are running a country and hope that this correspondence does not cause you too much discomfort. If it were not an emergency, we would not send this good faith, honest and completely above board request to you. Your name was given to us by a member of the Virginia State Congressional Delegation who recently visited your beautiful country on a safari and fact finding mission into the potential uses of rhinoceros dung as an alternative to ethanol fuel additives.

We represent Mr Bubba E. Lee, owner of Bubba’s Bait Shop and Bar. Mr Lee is the victim of government oppression as described in the above referenced article. Even though the property in question is only .63 of an acre, there is a proposal to seize Mr Lee’s business to make way for a Wal-Mart super store. Proponents of this change to the fabric of Pungo claim that an 18 story Wal-Mart will fit very easily on .63 of an acre.

In order to foil these nefarious plans, Bubba has taken a second mortgage on the property in the sum of $47,000,000 (47 MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS). It is critical that these funds are held by an offshore trust company as Wal-Mart has announced plans to buy our local bank and turn it into a garden center. These funds (47 MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS), have been deposited in a fiduciary escrow account with a financial institution in North Korea. In order to ensure access to this money, Mr Lee needs your help as a respected head of government of a country with a flawless reputation in international finance. Obviously, this must be a joint venture. In order to assure you of the good intentions of our client, you will be entitled to 25% of the total sum recovered as soon as all the necessary paperwork has been completed.

Although we are confident of your intentions in this matter, it would reassure the Trustees of the Save Bubba’s Committee if you would be so kind as to forward the following information as a matter of urgency: a copy of your diplomatic passport, your Swiss bank account details, a copy of your chauffeur’s driver’s license, the password you use to access the International Monetary Fund payments system, the keypad sequence used to gain access to the United Nations headquarters spa and sushi bar, and Bob Geldof’s email address. We look forward to working with you in saving Bubba’s. Yours, H Insapiens

If we can save Bubba’s, H I is confident that there is hope for the £13 million project to ensure that malaria never threatens the gents’ loo in the Pig & Whistle.


Blogger Africanuck said...

Got another of those "Dear Honoured Sir" Nigerian emails did you?

4:00 PM  
Blogger Mark Alread said...

Gawd I love this post. Now can we get the email adresses of the G8 attendees?

6:47 PM  
Anonymous Tom said...


7:16 PM  
Blogger Abby Taylor said...

How weird! This is just like something I'm involved in which I'm certain will secure my retirement account just as soon as I hear back from that guy whose name I can't pronounce. He seemed very nice, and I was happy to help.

11:01 PM  
Blogger Amal said...

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOL. I love it. Love your post.

12:26 PM  
Blogger birdwoman said...

Oooh, that Walmart is always putting someone out of business. Poor Bubba.

where do I send my check?


1:43 PM  
Blogger Homo Insapiens said... may want to contact abby taylor with an offer of a guaranteed money making plan

mark, tom and amalinka...thanks for your comments and happy you had a chuckle

birdwoman...all donations will be greatfully accepted and 100% of your contribution will be spent in supporting Bubba's business

1:57 PM  

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