Friday, July 22, 2005

A Tasteful Debate

Amidst all the talk about the need for civility in the Senate hearings on the Supreme Court nomination of John Roberts, another White House nomination has been held up in the Senate for months. On 15 February 2005, Dr Lester M Crawford was nominated by President Bush as the new Commissioner of the Food and Drug Administration (FDA). Unfortunately for the good Doctor, based on his record as the Acting Commissioner of the organisation, he has succeeded in providing the consensus that so many Liberals and Conservatives keep banging on about; and the consensus has been that Lester is a loser.

Left wing politicians have opposed the nomination based on the failure of the FDA to approve the sale of ‘Plan B’ without a prescription. Known as ‘the morning after pill’, Plan B is a birth control drug that works best within 24 hours after horizontal recreation. Even though two scientific panels recommended the change and 7 states have made sale without prescription legal, the FDA has continued to classify Plan B as a prescription drug. Liberals, led by Senator Hillary Clinton, suspected a vast right wing conspiracy to deny women access to birth control and threatened to abort Dr Crawford’s appointment. The FDA has now announced that they will decide on the status of Plan B by 1 September. The possibility of Domino’s delivering Plan B with the post-bonk pizza may resolve Liberal concerns.

Right wing politicians are also opposed to the Doctor’s nomination but they have a different issue. They object to the FDA approved warning labels on condoms wrappers. It seems reasonable to assume that a lot of Americans don’t even realise that there are warning labels on condom wrappers. Stopping to read the label on a condom wrapper has about the same effect as stopping to read the label on the other person’s knickers; it takes a bit of the excitement out of the moment. Apparently Senator Tom Coburn (Rep., Oklahoma) is an avid reader and he doesn’t like what he reads when he reaches for a condom. The current labelling statement says: ‘If used properly, latex condoms will help to reduce the risk of transmission of HIV infection (AIDS) and many other sexually transmitted diseases’. Condoms sound like a good thing. Coburn’s representative explains ‘that the senator's only concern is that condom labeling be changed to state their effectiveness or lack of effectiveness in preventing STDs’. Condoms don’t sound like such a good thing.

The senator is getting strong support from right-wing groups who believe that abstinence is the real answer to preventing HIV, AIDS, and STD’s; and nothing promotes abstinence like a good dose of label reading in mid-romp. To the delight of his supporters, Coburn does not limit his campaign for abstinence to heterosexuals. As he warned a Republican group recently, ‘Why do you think we see the rationalization for abortion and multiple sexual partners? That's a gay agenda’. (Given the fact that the senator is a physician, it is somewhat surprising that he is concerned about abortion amongst gay couples.)

As a compromise, H I notes that the FDA also monitors the nation’s food and enforces accurate nutrition labeling. In the passionate heat of the moment, some people might appreciate knowing the carbohydrate count in the Warm Sensations strawberry flavored model. Naaah…Senator Coburn probably wouldn’t like that either.


Blogger birdwoman said...

Too bad Senator Coburn's name isn't spelled in the original spelling, Cochburn, which might make him more... sensitive... to the use of condoms.


9:13 AM  
Blogger Abby Taylor said...

I'm glad to see that you also do the Domino's thirty minute or less call for the pizza before sex. I thought that was just a Tennessee thing.

8:46 PM  

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