Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Milestones And Thanks

This column has achieved several milestones and the Editorial Staff at H I are quite grateful for them. According to the blogospheric equivalent of a turnstile, just over 10,000 visitors have popped in since 13 March 2005. That is almost as many visitors as crossed the Mexican border into the United States yesterday; and, thanks to the power of technology, visitors to H I are documented.

Based on a thorough analysis of IP addresses, ISP names, Time Zones, Links, Feeds, Pings and Pongs, visitor profiles have been set up to assist in developing relevant future content. 53% of visitors stopped by in hopes of winning ‘credits’ before their eyesight failed or their brain turned to cottage cheese. 22% dropped in to get out of the rain. 9% thought ‘Homo Insapiens’ is Latin for ‘Mindless Same-Sex Romping’ and 3% thought ‘Homo Insapiens’ is Latin for ‘Photographs Of Our 11 Cats’. Several hundred people simply wanted to use the loo, 168 guests read something, 127 visitors left a comment, 46 folks left in a huff, 14 were left in the lurch, 9 were terrified they would be left behind and 3 refused to leave at all. Although the crush of visitors has exceeded the traffic attracted to the Fatima Shrine on an average Tuesday, luckily very few wheelchairs and white canes have been left at the front door. Of particular interest, 100% of visitors had access to the Internet. This overwhelming statistic will be particularly useful when considering whether to send future columns to readers’ homes via 2nd class mail or continue to use the current medium of distribution. A resounding thank you is due to all who have paid a visit, particularly those who have commented, subscribed, recommended to others, and included references to H I in their own websites.

Another milestone has also been passed. Including the occasional letters to the reader, over 50 columns have been posted. Here too, it would be remiss not to thank those who supported this effort. Particular recognition should be given to the hard working farmers of Northern Italy, Croatia, and Hungary who nurture the juniper berry. Thanks to their bucolic toil, ample supplies of gin have been available to lubricate journalistic aspirations and have allowed many ideas for content to be floated. In order to continue publishing at such a hectic pace, new resources will be added to H I over the summer months. Several cases of Pimm’s No. 1 have been secured.

Bubba, of Big Bubba’s Bait Shop and Bar in Pungo, Virginia and Nigel, publican of The Pig & Whistle, North London have been most generous in providing scientifically selected focus groups from amongst those patrons able to focus. Abby Taylor and Diogenes Freed have contributed invaluable technical information in the selection and arrangement of soft furnishings on the H I site.
Perhaps the highest accolades should be reserved for those who provide the grist for H I’s mill. These posturing politicians, religious zealots, tin-pot dictators, intrusive busy bodies, well meaning bunglers and self-serving power-brokers provide an endless torrent of subject matter. As a show of gratitude, Homo Insapiens will continue to publicise their contribution toward putting the ‘In’ in ‘Insapiens’. As always, all suggestions for improvement are welcome.

It is now time to return to the serious business of journalism. Hopefully the ice machine will be up to the challenge.

4 Comments:

Blogger iwasfixin2 said...

Congratulations, H I on these very important milestones. I, for one, have had my ever-impressionable mind forever altered by the musings and salient messages of this important virtual voice. I am an American, so I visit first-and-foremost to be entertained. I am never disappointed, but usually get more than I bargained for with the endeavor. For instance, I knew juniper berries were central to the creation of gin, but had no idea who to thank for their planting, nurturing and harvest.

Seriously, this represents the best in wit, sattire and the kindest way to remind those of us in the overly-leizurized developed world that we take ourselves too seriously. A verbal, "your zipper's down", if you will. If you would, I am quite certain it would come across a lot better than I may have expressed.

Kudos, addaboy, and please keep at it. H I is the best in commentary available and we would all (all 168 of us) be remiss without a stead diet of it.*

* The undersigned reserves the right to retract and then extend these sentiments should the situation arise in which the contents of said journal require dues, fees subscriptions or other forms of monetary compensation in return for the right of consumtion, without consideration for the ability of signatory to pay such renumeration for services rendered, expressed or otherwise with or without the consent of the talented author of Homo Insapiens.

Well, I think that pretty much covers everything and how much I appreciate H I. Looking forward to lots more milestones!

iwasfixin2

11:15 PM  
Blogger DuoDave said...

I think you're selling yourself short. People may visit for the mercenary credits, but they stay to read.

3:17 PM  
Blogger Bug said...

LMAO! Thanks for the afternoon giggle! :)

9:02 PM  
Blogger Rob said...

Hey,

Very nice blog and some interesting posts. Have a look at my new bit torrent site called - Mininova -

Thanks

8:43 PM  

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