Saturday, June 18, 2005

A Different Point Of View, #2

Given the positive reader reaction to the first H I guest column, ‘Ask Pastor Duane’, here is another popular advice column that is making a difference in peoples’ lives. It is with pleasure that we publish a recent column by Grand Ayatollah Q’udsu Omar Ayt’bol for the interest of our readers. Ayatollah Ayt’bol’s column runs regularly in The Fundamentalist Times Picayune. It is normally read from right to left but the Ayatollah has graciously agreed to write it backward for the readers of Homo Insapiens.

Dear Mullah Ayt’bol: Our little Fatima is an extremely brilliant girl. She has been offered a full scholarship to study Renaissance Art and Literature at UCLA. Our Imam says that girls should not be educated. Distraught Dad in Damascus

Dear Distraught Dad: Normally I would agree with your Imam. However, if Fatima switches her major to nuclear physics with a minor in missile design I am sure a special fatwah can be arranged. PS: joining the cheer leading squad will still be forbidden.

Dear Mullah Ayt’bol: Is it true that Al Jazeera is going to produce a new show called Jihadi Nonsurvivor? Kewl! How can I get on it? Starstruck in Khartoum

Dear Starstruck: The gig is due to air in the fall. They are looking for bright 20-something guys and gals who don’t mind blowing themselves up. If you have a bomb belt, 2 kilos of semtex and a trendy ski mask, you might make it in showbiz! Get your kit on and wait outside the US Embassy for the casting call. You rock! Go for it.

Dear Mullah Ayt’bol: My wife and I are planning a vacation in the USA. Are there any souvenirs we can bring back that are not unclean or forbidden by our holy faith? Tourist in Tehran

Dear Tourist: You will not defile yourselves if you bring back the blueprints for the Hoover Dam.

Dear Mullah Ayt’bol: My cousin and I plan to destroy the Washington Monument by running into it head first. We need student visas to enter the land of the Great Satan. Should we apply to Harvard or MIT? Ibrahim

Dear Ibrahim: May I suggest entering the land of the Great Satan through Mexico.

Dear Mullah Ayt’bol: The water in our village well has suddenly become as golden as honey and as sweet as nectar! Is this a sign that all who live here are holy people? Achmed in Arabia

Dear Achmed: It is possible that your village is truly blessed and sanctified. On the other hand, you may want to have your camel tested for diabetes.

The staff at Homo Insapiens will continue to search the world’s press for more examples of writers whose views are shaping the attitudes of so many people.


Blogger Whymrhymer said...

Hilarious! A real classic!

Have you ever run across NewsBlog 5000? He (Ryan) also has some great satire.

8:48 PM  
Blogger Loy said...

lol! Nice

10:42 PM  
Blogger Steve said...

Nice job here! This is hilarious. I'll have to link to it from my site.

Games are for Children

1:41 PM  
Blogger dorna! said...

Good grief! :P

5:02 PM  
Blogger Tina D. said...


5:32 PM  
Blogger Bug said...

LMFAO! Thanks for the laugh hun :o)

2:21 PM  
Blogger Terry said...

Very funny and well written!

p.s. Thanks for your feedback on comment etiquette.

2:30 PM  
Blogger Tom Carter said...

Great post! Sometimes it takes humor to get things in perspective.

7:33 AM  
Blogger birdwoman said...

The Fundamentalist Times Picayune, huh? I thought for sure he'd been syndicated out of the Readers Digest.


12:11 PM  

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