Saturday, May 07, 2005

Getting The Facts Right

The arrest of Abu Farraj al-Libbi has put US news gathering organisations into a competitive frenzy. Mr al-Libbi is described as al-Qaida’s ‘number 3 man’, reporting to Ayman al-Zawahri, and as a close confidant of al-Qaida’s leader Osama bin Laden. In part, the competitive frenzy has been over the correct spelling and pronunciation of these guys’ names. The funny secret letters in their alphabet are confusing and even CNN has not been able to get hold of a Deadly Terrorist decoder ring. We await Geraldo Rivera’s announcement that he has found al-Libbi’s personal Deadly Terrorist decoder ring in Hitler’s secret bunker which was cunningly concealed behind a McDonald’s in Newark, New Jersey. All the TV news outlets have, however, been able to get hold of experts to comment on Mr al-Libbi’s capture. Retired US military officers, ex-CIA agents and authors of books on UFO sightings and Elvis appearances have been drafted in to provide the answer to the key question: what will the impacts be on the al-Qaida organisation?

Once again, the blogosphere delivers the truth and Homo Insapiens is proud to be on the cutting edge of this breaking story. It can now be revealed that al-Qaida’s press spokesman, Mr Farraj bin Zawahri al Laden, personally delivered a press release to H I’s letter drop at Bubba’s Bait Shop and Bar in Pungo, Virginia. Bubba himself is reported to have said, ‘some funny lookin’ hooter named Al dropped this letter off for you’.

For immediate release: al-Qaida Corporate Reorganisation

We are pleased to announce the promotion of Mr Osama bin Libbi al Farraj as Executive Vice President of Incredibly Nasty Plots. Mr Farraj brings many years of experience to the job and his record of performance as Vice President, Caucasus Region is to be admired. It should also be noted that Mr Abu Farraj al-Libbi deserves the thanks of all shareholders on his retirement. Mr al-Libbi is proof that the company does not value looks over talent. The new EVP of INP, Mr al-Farraj, will report to Mr Ayman al-Zawahri in his role as CEO. Mr Osama bin Laden retains his position as Chairman.

Moving up to take Abu’s position is Mr Libbi al Laden bin Ayman. Libbi has been brilliant in turning the Kuala Lumpur branch office around and his employee exchange programme with the Jakarta franchise has broken new ground in the best sense of the term. We wish Libbi well in his new position.

Mr Laden al-Ayman bin Abu has requested a transfer to the Suicide Bomber Division, headquartered in Damascus. The staff of the Cleveland, Ohio office will miss his leadership.

Mr Abu Musab Zarkawi retains his responsibilities as Brand Manager, Insurgency Products (Iraq Region), and as Cross Border Logistics Director, Syria. He will also give functional guidance to Mr Zawahri al-Zarkawi bin Osama al-Farraj, who is promoted from Trashkanistan Regional Cave Operations to Cleveland Branch Manager.

No expense is being spared to confirm this story. Homo Insapiens will attempt to contact a second, independent source in the gents’ at the Pig and Whistle in North London in the next several days - unless Geraldo gets there first.


Blogger Abby Taylor said...

Here's hoping after this post you aren't detained by Homeland Security at the airports!

9:54 AM  
Blogger No-Name said...

Bloody Hell! I Better hide my Deadly Terrorist Decoder ring!

*sniffs* I thought they were the latest thing in fashion.

I don't wanna be shot, hanged, or dismembered for a stupid trinket!

1:41 PM  
Blogger Whymrhymer said...

I've got my ticket for Newark!

I'm gonna find that damn bunker and get that original ring. Boy, I bet that'll go for a bundle on Ebay.

11:24 PM  
Blogger LingLing said...

now i need a new ass, having laughed mine off....

9:11 AM  
Blogger birdwoman said...

my favorite politically incorrect punch line was about muqtada al sadyr (sp? who the heck cares) when somebody said, after he lost some big battle that he was al sadder but al wiser.


4:03 PM  

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